


Cold

by keepfabandgayon



Series: Temperature [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 00:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepfabandgayon/pseuds/keepfabandgayon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"So you do want me around." Mari smiled at Asuka over her shoulder. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"I. Yes.” Asuka swallowed dry air, trying to cover up that she’d stuttered. “I just don't understand what you're trying to do."</i>
</p>
<p>While Shinji is busy asking new questions, Asuka is learning old answers. Concurrent to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1130661">Warm</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Like it says in the summary, this story is (mostly) concurrent to [Warm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1130661), which takes place pretty much directly after _You Can (Not) Redo_. That one's more about Shinji and a little Rei; this is mostly about Asuka and her relationship with Mari. It was written partially for Femslash February, partially because I wanted to add something to _Warm_ (and I may yet add more, we'll see how it goes), and partially because I've really wanted to write these two. It took me a while to get to a point where I was satisfied with it, which is why this is getting posted on the penultimate day of February.

"He doesn't even try." Asuka followed the grainy security feed with her good eye, not that anything changed. Shinji lay on his bed and didn't move unless something else did first. She didn't think he knew where the camera was, but he stared right at it, and from Asuka's perspective, he stared right at her. "He doesn't do _anything_. What's the point of even keeping him alive? He'll never get over himself, so he'll never be able to help."

"Don't be so sure." 

Asuka spun around and flung her arm out; Mari caught it just before Asuka's hand hit her in the face. 

"Too slow. Is the princess getting old? Maybe I should suggest you get a guard..."

"Fuck you." Asuka yanked her arm back. 

"All right. Your depressingly sterile box or mine?"

"You're disgusting." 

Mari just smiled. "You know, Puppy-boy talked yesterday."

"We should throw him a party." Asuka’s dry sarcasm was lost on no-one, least of all Mari. 

"If you think he's so useless, why don't you go and kill him yourself?"

"I'm no murderer." But, God, wouldn’t she just love to wrap her hands around his neck and _squeeze_...

"You keep thinking that, Princess."

\---

Asuka's mind was held together about as well as her old plugsuit; that is to say, with old duct tape that was starting to peel, and that she picked at constantly even though that just helped it along in its unravelling. She was pretty sure that syncing with Eva required some level of mental instability, so she didn't worry about it on that front, but she did have to constantly remind herself that she would soon be shoved into what was essentially a chimera, her beautiful Unit-02 merged with Mari's pink monstrosity, and their two minds would have to link up somehow to get it to work. 

Mari was more than mad enough to sync with a Eva, but was one hell of a lot more relaxed about their entire situation than Asuka would ever be. Still, she had to try. 

She tried meditating to ease her mind, but after tuning out the more invasive of her thoughts, she was left with the hum of Wunder and the distant sounds of human movement, and she twitched and shifted until finally she decided there was no point. Focus, outside of an Eva, was not one of Asuka's strong points, unless that focus was concentrated toward avoiding unpleasant memories. 

And even then...

She let out a loud groan and fell back onto her bed, narrowly missing the wall. "I guess I just have to hope this works."

There was a knock on her door. She ignored it, and it was followed by the scrape of fingernails against the wall. 

"Go fuck yourself!" 

"Already taken care of, Princess!" Mari yelled through the door. "Just the thought of coming to visit you was overwhelming, I couldn't contain myself!"

The door opened, and Asuka yanked Mari into the tiny room. "Keep your voice down. The whole world doesn't need to hear about all the dirty things you do."

Mari just raised her eyebrows.

"Why are you here?"

Mari flopped down on Asuka's bed and started to pull the clips out of Asuka’s hair; she wore them around more out of tradition now than wanting to show them off like she did as a child. "He plays piano. Did you know that?"

"Who does?"

"Who else would I be telling you about?"

Idiot Shinji. "No, I didn't know. Did he tell you that?"

Mari shook her head. "He asked if we had one, and Misato found one for him. Now he gets to leave his room to practice for hours a day. I wonder if he's trying to escape?"

"Where would he go? We're flying, in case you forgot. The only way he could be more of an idiot is if he tried to leave. Even if he did make it past all the guards _and_ Misato, he'd have a hell of a fall to try and survive. I don’t even think he can swim. Or, hey, maybe he has a death wish. I wouldn't be surprised."

"You're ranting again."

"What's your point?"

"My point is you care what happens to him, even if you hate him."

"Of course I care. If he gets in an Eva again, he'll probably actually destroy the world this time. Maybe he'll blow it up, that might be interesting. But if he dies first, then we won't have to worry about it."

"Wow. You're cold."

"You already knew that."

"Of course I did. I wouldn't want you any other way."

Asuka turned away, taking the clips and tossing them into the corner of the room. She didn’t want to hear Mari pretend she was worth anything. The only value she had was her ability to pilot Eva, and she was well aware of that. Shinji’s betrayal, time and time again, had made damn sure of it. Mari and Asuka were no less prisoners than Shinji and Rei, and just because she and Mari were equally worthless didn’t mean she could believe Mari thought anything good of her. “I’m going to bed.”

“I don’t understand how you can wear that thing to sleep,” Mari said, making a face when Asuka stretched out, still in her old plugsuit. 

“It’s comfortable.”

“It feels like plastic.”

“I don’t exactly have anything else.” She’d lost everything in Near Third Impact. Just another thing to blame Shinji for. 

“That’s why I sleep naked.” Mari left, then, and Asuka’s mind turned her words over and over like a coin, acknowledging their presence, noticing there were two different faces, but not delving deeper into what that could mean. 

\---

_Evangelion Unit 8+2, test mode activated. Inserting entry plug._

"Why is it eight-plus-two? Not two-plus-eight?"

"Because, Princess, it's mostly made of Unit 08." The start-up views cleared, and Mari reached down and tugged at Asuka's hair. They shared an entry plug, modified to fit both of them at once. "That's because you went and got yours wrecked. For all that you said you loved Unit 02, you didn't really take good care of her. This isn't even your entry plug! Technically, you're just tagging along in my Eva. Good thing they made a throne just for you, Princess!"

"Careful, Four-Eyes; I could kill you in here with my bare hands and your body would be cold before they ever fished you out."

"Aww, I love you too. How's our sync ratio?"

" _Good, and rising._ "

"Great! Let's kill something together, hm, Princess?"

\---

Mari was laying on Asuka's bed yet again, draped across Asuka's legs and rubbing the dust off her glasses with Asuka's blanket. "Do you think it's a requirement or a coincidence?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll go with coincidence."

Mari sat up. "Shinji, me, you-- hell, maybe even Rei."

"What about us?"

"You knooooow." She leaned forward until their noses touched, and draped her arms over Asuka's shoulders. 

"Ugh, is this part of your perverted obsession with me?" Asuka stared her in the eyes, and Mari pulled away, groaning. 

"I wish you would stop calling it perverted. We're not fourteen any more, even if we still look like we are."

"Just explain your damn question."

"I think Shinji had a boyfriend."

"Shinji? Really? I doubt anyone would be able to stand being around him that much."

"He said he was in love with a boy."

"I don't care."

Mari let go of Asuka and stood up. "You know, maybe if you gave a shit about anyone but yourself you'd realise you don't actually get anywhere by being so cold."

"You're one to talk."

"I care about you, don't I?"

"And you won't leave me alone!"

"You're the one that invites me into your room and humours me when I talk to myself."

"Oh, how could I even drown it out, loud as you are? You could probably wake the dead! And, as if I could ever keep you out of here--"

"If you don't want me around, just ask me to leave, and I will. " Mari headed for the door. 

"I didn't mean it that way."

"So you do want me around." Mari smiled at Asuka over her shoulder. 

"I. Yes.” Asuka swallowed dry air, trying to cover up that she’d stuttered. “I just don't understand what you're trying to do."

For a few moments, they stared at each other. Asuka looked away, but Mari kept staring. "Fourteen years of this and you didn't ever think to ask me? I can see why people don't like you. You don't know how to talk to anyone."

"Neither do you."

"I may not always know the right thing to say, but at least I can talk without insulting someone on every other word." 

"If you have so many complaints about me, why do you spend so much time with me?"

"I like you, for some reason. Isn't that obvious?"

"No."

"Emotionally stunted as ever, I see." Mari sat down on Asuka’s bed again, then returned to her previous position with her head in Asuka’s lap. “That’s okay. You comfortable?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

\---

Asuka was pretty sure she understood what Mari’s intentions were. She didn’t understand _why_ , or what Mari saw in her; much as she liked to put on a proud face, she knew she was a shitty person. Jealous, boastful, dishonest, rude -- the list went on, and nowhere did Asuka read a redeeming trait. Maybe Mari thought she was pretty; but then, why would Mari stick around so long for just a face that had had a hole torn in it long ago? 

She scratched at the patch over her empty eye socket, and could almost feel a phantom eye rolling around in sync with the one she still had. 

Did she return Mari’s (impossible) feelings? She didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She’d liked men before, and she’d liked boys too (one boy in particular, who she tried so hard to love, and then despised for fourteen years, her skin now crawling at the thought of him, and maybe that should have tipped her off but it didn’t), and now a girl -- woman, really, though she didn’t look it -- was making her wonder if it had all been a lie. 

\---

“Have you ever had a friend before, Asuka?” 

Mari was draped across Asuka’s legs again, because somehow they always ended up that way since their fight. No matter where they were, alone in Asuka’s room or in the middle of Control with confused survivors sneaking looks at them, they craved contact. Ritsuko had warned them this might be a side-effect of piloting Unit 8+2, but Asuka wondered (was convinced, really) that it had more to do with her newfound willingness to let Mari closer than an arm’s length away. 

Asuka scoffed at Mari’s question. “Of course I have!”

“What was their name? And it doesn’t count if you just kept them around because they were useful to you.”

“You mean that’s not how friendship works?” Mari shook her head. “Well then, I’ve got nothing.”

“Heh. I think that’s the first time you’ve been so honest with me. So does this make me your first friend?”

“You’re my friend?” Asuka brushed her fingers through Mari’s hair, trying to both be subtle about the movement and reassure her that it was a joke. 

“Ouch.” Mari smiled. 

Sigh. “Yeah, I guess you are.”

\---

Mari was older than she looked, and the better you knew her, the less sure you were about how old exactly she really was. She was least sure of all. 

"My memories don't go that far back," she once whispered to Asuka, as if it was some great secret. Which, really, it was. "All I know is that one time, I got dragged out of an Eva unconscious, and I couldn't remember anything about myself. I looked the same then as I do now, obviously, so I was at least fourteen then."

"You never asked what happened to you?"

"Nope." She grinned at Asuka and let the air out of her plugsuit, noting that, for once, it didn’t have a moist plastic-wrap feel to it when it suctioned on to her skin. "By the time I had enough presence of mind to make that decision, I decided it wasn't important."

"You might've had a family!"

Mari shrugged. "Wouldn't they have at least called? No, I was alone, or as good as. And I'm fine with that. Besides, now I have you."

"You don't _have_ me."

"If you say so, Princess. I can’t be much older, really; you have to have a certain amount of contamination in you, from Second Impact fall-out or whatever they call it, to pilot Eva, and mostly that’s just people who were born after and people who were right there when it happened. So what’s your story?”

“My story?”

“Yeah. What damaged you to the point where you could get in your Eva and not have it fry your brain the moment you synchronised with it? I thought I’d ask, now that I finally know I’m your friend.”

“I don’t know. They picked me when I was a kid. I was still happy.”

“Yeah, they do that a lot, don’t they?”

“What do you mean?”

Mari scrunched up her face a bit and stared into her locker, which held the same torn, stained school uniform that she’d worn for fourteen years. It was otherwise empty. “NERV isn’t exactly above destroying someone’s life for the ‘greater good’. They… Well, I don’t know what happened to you, but they might have had a hand in it. I’m sorry.”

Mind spinning, Asuka’s breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t that she hadn’t entertained the idea before; honestly, some part of her, deep down inside, already knew. She may not sympathise with the idiot-brat-traitor, but she at least agreed with Shinji that his father was a piece of shit, and it didn’t surprise her that he and his facade of a world-saving organisation could have had a hand in taking from her the only person she’d ever loved. But hearing it from Mari made it _true_ and she wasn’t ready to face that yet. 

She’d never had a problem running from her problems before. 

_[What a fucking lie.]_

“Why are you apologizing?” Asuka tried to spit the words out with venom, throwing her professionally toxic personality around like she usually did, but she barely managed a whisper, and the words lost all their bite. 

“Because they didn’t, and you deserve to get at least that.”

“Come here.” 

Mari sat down next to Asuka, smiling. Asuka had expected pity, but there wasn’t a trace of it in Mari’s eyes. 

“You think the sun shines out my asshole, don’t you?”

“Haha! No. I know you too well for that. I know you’re not as bad as you want everyone to think, and I also know you’re no saint either. You’re not a good person, but I still love you.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to say that back.”

“Nope. I don’t want to hear you lie to me about that. Just wanted you to know.” Mari was still smiling. 

A few options came to Asuka’s mind. She could kiss Mari; that seemed like the most obvious choice of action, but it wasn’t what she wanted to do. She could get up and leave, claiming they were late, but it was just another synchro test and the technicians could wait a few more minutes. She could also do something in between, and that was what she went with. 

Leaning over slowly, she dropped her head down into Mari’s lap and curled one arm around her thigh. Her hair fell over her face, and she hoped it was enough to hide the blush spreading over her face; judging by the heat she felt in her cheeks, it was probably bright enough to rival Unit-02. But Mari just brushed the hair back and smiled down at her. 

“Never thought I’d get you all flushed between my legs, Princess.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Asuka sat up. “You ruined the moment.”

Mari’s arms were around her immediately, and her face was tucked into Asuka’s neck, cold nose against her hot, thrumming pulse. She laughed. “I had to say it. Come on, please hug me back?”

Asuka did. The latex-like outer lining of their plugsuits squeaked as her arms slid over Mari’s back, and that almost ruined it again, but Asuka held on tight.


End file.
